The Lynnster Zone

babbling since february 1997

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Good, Bad, More Bad, and Even More Good

Posted by Lynnster on June 26, 2009

So now that I’ve got all the other out of the way, a little post about things good and bad, but neither of which have anything to do with how poor I am or Michael Jackson.

Bad - the heat. My car registered 107 degrees the other day. I think it got down to 105 by the time I got from Kroger back to the house. The heat index was 113 that same day. It’s been like this for about a week and is not supposed to break at all until after Tuesday – there’s two spots of rain in the forecast between then and now, but I don’t have much hope it’s really going to happen (it’s rained in Nashville and Knoxville a couple of times the past week or so, but not a drop here). I have been in discussions online on and off with friends from all over the country (and the world, for that matter) this past week and I don’t care how cold you are or how sick of rain you are – I’ll trade. Immediately.

More Bad – Little has had another bout of old age vestibular disease this week, which some may recall this time last year I was dealing with that with both her and Dobie at almost the same time. Dobie’s was much more pronounced and took a much longer time for recovery; with her, once again by the next day she was better and is continuing to do better. She’s a 17 or 18 year old cat (I can never remember which year she arrived as a baby) so these things are to be expected, but it’s like a stroke and it’s so frightening and unnerving – I think even more so with cats, since they like to get in higher places and the first couple of days she flatly tossed herself off her perch and scared me to death. But she is much better now. I am starting to wonder if this is heat-related, though I read a pretty voluminous amount of information on the syndrome last year (both canine and feline related) and don’t recall any mention of that.

Good - my Rite Aid box fan. I’d forgotten about that thing. I bought it a few years ago when the AC went out and was having to be replaced. After several days of the above heat already come this past Tuesday, and then reading that it wasn’t going to break at all until maybe next Wednesday, I thought I was probably going to be suicidal come the weekend. I have air, but my window unit that usually does a pretty decent job in the summertime just can’t handle this kind of heat and for this extended a period.

Then I remembered the box fan. I would have NEVER guessed it would make the difference it has, but it has. Granted, really over here in my one little corner in the room with the computer and Internet, but that’s where I am almost all the time anyway. In the afternoon after noon or 1:00 or so, it’s still getting a little stuffy in here – but NOTHING like the completely intolerable horrific awful heat it was before I got the fan out. Much, MUCH better. And I’ve even been COLD sometimes in the early mornings or middle of the night this week and had to turn it off. Rock!!!

Even More Good – In their old age, and especially as Dobie’s health went into the serious decline it did the last year or so of his life, Dobie and Lulu both developed some incontinence problems – especially Dobie. Though it’s still very hard to believe he’s gone and makes me sad, one kind of unexpected plus has popped up since his passing – even though they turned five years old last month, I really had no idea that the young’ns are as well house trained as they apparently are! They’re not perfect – with me living alone and my sleeping schedule being all out of whack and not really a schedule, on the off chance I actually do sleep a whole lot and probably more than I should instead of my usual three or four hour catnaps here and there, occasionally there’s an accident, but rarely. They are, for all practical purposes, beautifully housetrained! Daisy doesn’t surprise me because she’s perfect anyway (heh), but it is kind of shocking to me just how well her brothers are.

On the one hand, it’s a pleasant surprise to discover just how really well trained that way they are when, with them, I never really did even try all that hard when they were very young because I was still working out of the house and not here a lot.  On the other hand, that makes Dobie’s frequent accidents (even long before he ever got sick) a little frustrating seeing as how I DID make an effort with him when he was young. Go figure.

In any case, hope everyone has a great weekend! I have been so pitifully socially deprived working around the clock so much, I’m really looking forward to meeting up with KathyT and Melissa on Sunday, so more on that later in the weekend or Monday, I’m sure.

Posted in about the weather, blah, cats, dogs, my so-called life | Leave a Comment »

I’m As Tired of This Woe Is Me Stuff As You Probably Are, But Bear With Me Another Sec

Posted by Lynnster on June 26, 2009

So one of the things I’d been meaning to write about this week was sort of a little clarification to what my situation is/has been. I know (especially after talking with KathyT this morning, and talking with her and Aunt B. and Kat Coble in recent weeks, though I can kind of tell from what Kathy said today that I probably don’t really understand the full scope of all this just yet) – anyway, I know there’s been some stuff going on on my behalf, more or less, and I really don’t have words to express the gratitude and appreciation I feel about that, no matter what Kathy is bringing to me Sunday. When it comes to things like that I pretty much just dissolve into tears and sniffles, I’m worthless that way.

Anyway, that said – even though I know anyone and everyone involved would probably insist I don’t owe anyone any explanations – I feel like I still need to sort of clarify some things and attempt to explain a little, or at least some of what I possibly can publicly, about how and why things got this bad. Unfortunately there’s not a whole lot I can really go into here on the blog, for several reasons.

As many of you will remember, things were already kind of bad and shaky prior to last fall, though looking back NOW, those struggles look like a piece of cake compared to what I’ve been dealing with the last many months.

The best way I really know how to explain what’s happened now is for those of you that have traditional jobs, or have had them up until recently, to imagine not getting paid since, say, October or November. Or imagine only getting paid enough every month to pay your rent or house payment.

That’s pretty much exactly what I’ve been dealing with, more or less. I can’t really say more publicly – not because of anything illegal, or anything of that sort – just out of respect for other people’s feelings due to the circumstances, I am choosing not to talk about it at length publicly. I have shared more of the details with a few, and if I know you, I’m happy to forward a copy of the e-mail I sent in those cases, or they can, or whatever, or we’ll talk about it over a meal sometime if I ever get to Nashville again or whatever. I don’t mind my friends knowing more about the situation, I’m just not going to blog about it on that public level.

But that’s pretty much what happened, and I’ve been scrambling ever since trying not to drown under what’s been a flood of never-ending stress and anxiety and I suppose terror, even, because of all the behind-ness that situation has wrought. All that behind-ness usually made even worse because, for a while there, every month would roll around and something still wouldn’t have been taken care of, so now there was an urgent need to get this paid or that paid – which has meant ongoing late fees and, on several occasions, overdraft fees trying to keep something or another from getting canceled or cut off. I’ve probably paid another year’s worth or more of car payments alone just in late fees all these months, but there was nothing else that could be done about it.

In all the cutting back and cutting out, somewhat fortunately I guess there were a few things that weren’t an issue when things grew so dire. I actually cut out cable a few years ago, when I still had a regular paycheck coming in, because I was spending so much more time online anyway and everything I watched much was available online, I just really couldn’t justify shelling out that kind of money every month anymore.

Same thing with my cell service. I’ve never been a big cell phone user and mainly carry mine for emergency purposes more than anything else. I couldn’t justify all that contract money anymore so I went to cheap and prepaid ages ago, and not only have been all the better for it but have more coverage than I did with my previous provider anyway and rarely any of the problems I had before with dropped calls and such. My mom has used the same prepaid service for years so now that’s just part of my birthday present every year, air time, and I never use a whole year’s worth in a year anyway.

So those were not issues – everything else has been, in any case. My mom wasn’t going to let me starve or anything, and has gone far and beyond the call of duty again and again and again all these months trying to help save me from disaster, to the point where she really has no extra to keep sparing. What I hate the most is that, for months and months, she believed everything was going to be okay the next month because I thought it was going to be – only for that month to come around and nope, and there we’d be scrambling to keep my utilities from getting turned off or this paid or that paid. She didn’t go on her usual vacation last year because of me, and if it weren’t for Social Security kicking in this year, I’d probably already be homeless and she would not be on vacation right now. Then there’s the boyfriend who is unable to work right now and wants nothing more than to be able to provide for me/us, and maybe in a couple of years we will be a two-income family and all of this current stuff will just be a bad memory – but that’s then, and this is now, and now sucks.

Anyway, as I wrote before, after this many months of struggling like this, it had gotten to be end of the rope time, there was nothing left. Have sold almost everything I had left to sell other than the one thing(s) that are the only “family heirloom” type thing that is just mine, no one else’s, that I have left, stuff I mentioned in a recent post – and that may well still go, and is not worth all that much anyway. Well, there is one other thing, but I’ve got to get up home to be able to do that and haven’t really been looking forward to dealing with that anyway (i.e., potentially shipping some things that are very, very breakable) and am actually probably going to make a blog post about it next week – this is something that is not only a pain to think about selling and shipping via eBay or something, but is also something really only a small percentage of people would be interested in owning. I’m thinking with the power of the Internet, I might find that person between now and Christmas and solve this problem; otherwise, it’ll be going up on eBay probably about the time people start Christmas shopping.

But yeah, really, like I said – think about your job, if you have one. And then think about not getting paid or only getting paid one bill’s worth every month since last fall, and that’s pretty much right where I am, and have been.

Other possibilities – there’s so many people going for every job that comes up, and a friend of mine here in town who is in charge of hiring where she is told me lately it’s nothing like it has ever been. Instead of 25 or 50 resumes coming in for every job she posts, she’s getting 200. Then there’s the other ones – the ones I’m way overqualified for and so is most everyone else – someone I know who hires for a place like that put it this way: why would he hire anyone that’s likely to leave as soon as the economy gets better or something else comes up? He, too, is seeing hundreds of applications for every position that opens, and in the case of his business, he says about 90% of them are overqualified, or maybe qualified to have HIS job – but not the position that’s open.

But the other thing is – and I think maybe there are some others out there that missed this, because Kathy didn’t realize it, though I know not everyone missed it because several, including The Awesomest Squirrel Queen in the World, commented on it when I mentioned it before – I actually AM working, besides what I have not been paid for. I actually really like my new gig doing QA work, it doesn’t pay much but it’s steady, but at least it does pay SOMETHING. I also do some other freelance work to bring in a little, and then there’s my other venture, which many of you have been aware of for a while, which is still continuing to steadily grow, though penny by penny, and that’s pretty much literally. It is growing, however, and I’ve built a foundation of what should (unless the whole industry hoses) continue to be residual income that grows. As it is, what started out as a little venture with big plans brought in over a year’s time what would have been nice “extra” money… if it hadn’t almost been my ONLY money.

I really do almost nothing BUT work to bring in what little I do – if I’m not working on one thing, it’s something else, or something else, or doing QA work, all day every day. Sleep for three or four hours, get up and scramble to bring in some money some more. Just been a constant ongoing thing and probably needless to say, I stay exhausted.

But I am, much like I said before, finally at a point where if I can just get a grip on the backlog, getting by month to month again is within my reach. It may require 80 hours a week of doing QA reviews, but I’m finally to a point where being able to get by every month, even if it’s just barely squeaking by, is possible.

But that’s what’s so frustrating about all this backlog that has just been stacking up and stacking up all these months struggling through this and staying perpetually behind – two months behind on this bill, a month behind on that bill, every once in a while three months behind and barely saving myself before cutoff/cancellations or losing everything. That much stress and anxiety is not good for anyone and it’s just consumed me daily for months and been downright frightening plenty – I probably need to be on medication at this point but much like my glasses that have needed to be replaced for a couple of years now, teeth that need to be fixed, my stupid broken windshield that got broken while sitting in my driveway during a storm (yep, that’s my luck) and some other stuff that I have just had to put on hold (including stuff people normally absolutely do not NOT pay every year – read into that what you want and you’re probably right) – well, anything extraneous is just out of the question completely right now. My glasses may be all scratched up and my prescription’s probably long since changed again, but as long as I can see out of them, whatever, and I still have a partial supply of contacts left from a few years ago that probably also need a prescription change, but for going out of the house purposes, they’ll do just fine until I can actually do something about it all again.

Anyway, so there you have it, what I can say publicly anyway, and I don’t want to keep going on about it here but it’s sort of my understanding that several people have been involved in trying to help and even though I really don’t know the full scope of it all yet, I just wanted to clarify and better outline a little more than I did before, maybe. Especially in trying to give an example of what it really is I’ve been dealing with, and also – especially after realizing that Kathy didn’t realize I am working at all – to clarify that I am doing work, and doing other things to try and fix all this. It’s just not much money, but at least it’s a little.

I’m also going to do something that I never intended to do, but it was suggested to me by someone else that maybe I ought to put a donation button on the blog in case there were those that wanted to help but didn’t want to take a chance on embarrassing me by asking, or whatever. Believe me, at this point with things as bad as they’ve gotten and after months and months of struggling and dealing with this stuff, I’m beyond any embarrassment or anything of the sort about accepting any help and stuff. I know some have already done plenty and they’ve done enough, and I’m not going to think anything negative about anyone who doesn’t, but for anyone else who just happens along and wants to, or has, I’m humbled and beyond words when it comes to appreciation and gratitude of those who do or have. So there it is and I’ll be putting it in the sidebar to stay, I guess.

I just can’t really put into words how not only depressing but just plain frightening it’s all been. My anxiety and stress levels have been so high and so constantly for so long, and with a pretty huge family history of both stroke and heart disease, even all the more frightening to be that stressed out all the time. There was a very scary couple or three days in December that I really don’t ever want to relive again, and I’d like to think I’m handling all that anxiety and depression a little better than I was at that particular time, but then there’s weeks like last week, when ’round about Wednesday evening, it occurred to me that the reason I was feeling sick and dizzy was probably because I hadn’t really realized it, but I had spent most of the last three days holding my breath repeatedly because I was so worried about how I was going to take care of what needed to be paid that week. That kind of anxiety.

I just want to be able to breathe again, and not be in a constant state like that almost 24/7 for weeks and months at a time. And be able to sleep more than a fitful three or four hours waking up worrying some more. And maybe only spend, say, 18 hours a day desperately trying to make some income instead of 20 or 22. That would be an improvement.

I do know this. I may not have much else left at this point, but my family and loved ones, and friends blogger and non-blogger alike, and an awful lot of acquaintances as well – you’re all just treasures. I wish I had the right words to fully express how grateful I am and how much I appreciate and heart all of you, but as I said above, times like that, words just start failing me and I just start getting teary-eyed and sniffly instead. So please just know I do. If you’re reading this, then you are most likely one of those treasures and you’re just so fabulous I have no words left to say but that I’m proud to know you and that you crossed my path, wherever and however you did. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Posted in a family thing, blah, blogfolks, friends are good, my so-called life, the economy sucks | 2 Comments »

Twitter Twisters

Posted by Lynnster on June 16, 2009

So, here I sit on the western side of the state, where there hasn’t been a raindrop all day, once yet again witnessing on Twitter while all my friends in Nashville are Tweeting about the tornadoes/storms/whatever coming through there once yet again. Deja vu.

Of course, we just had our own little dance with straight line winds last Friday that took out a good bit of Memphis greenery, and again on Sunday. I had not gotten out of the house since before the weekend, and was quite shocked yesterday to discover a tree about the size of my house fully uprooted and laying in the yard of someone’s home around the corner from me and about six or seven houses down, not to mention the landscape dotted with trees through roofs of various houses on my route to the grocery store. There wasn’t, like, this massive and constant scene of destruction like with Hurricane Elvis or the infamous ice storm of ‘94, but there was at least one house on every street between my house and Kroger that had (or had had) a tree stuck in its roof.

As for Middle Tennessee, the wrath of Mother Nature is still winding its way through and I’m watching various friends Tweeting and checking in either to say everything’s okay, or they’re headed for cover, or it’s passed and look at this poor demolished tree in Aunt B.’s yard. (She’s more upset about the power being out, though, as would I be – it’s frickin’ hot down here for June right now.)

I don’t know what’s worse – being smack in the middle of one, or watching like this from afar when people you care about could be in danger. Well, I do know what’s worse, but they’re both pretty bad. My mom can probably relate to the latter – I’m sure the 15-20 minutes or so between the first call and my second call to her wasn’t fun the night I got stuck in one of Tennessee’s most severe tornadoes of all time. First I called her from the interstate to ask if they were saying on TV there was a tornado warning; 20 minutes or so later, I was calling back to report I was okay, save for my tornado-pummeled and totaled car with the completely cracked windshield.

I did agree with a commenter somewhere or another on one of the Memphis media sites that it was rather laughable how the tornado sirens in the center city went off AFTER the storm had passed through on Friday.

Glancing at Twitter again. Aunt B. reporting that her neighbor’s car is under a tree. Fun, fun.

Quote that made me giggle of the day: @jimreams (the entity formerly known as the Nashville Knucklehead): I’m glad I live in South Nashville. Tornadoes don’t speak Spanish.

Posted in about the weather, blah, blogfolks, friends are good, middle tennessee, nashville, natural disasters, the internet is..., west tennessee | Leave a Comment »

I Might Be Typing This in My Sleep, But Probably Not

Posted by Lynnster on June 15, 2009

Thursday was an odd day. First and foremost, it would have been my father’s 67th birthday, if he were alive.

The annual big Relay for Life event was in my hometown over the weekend, and the paper has been publishing the list of donations for luminarias as they come in for about the past month – donations made in memory of those who died from cancer or related illnesses, in honor of cancer survivors, and this year, in honor of caretakers. Well, Thursday was also the day that my father’s name appeared as one of those donated in memory of (by a relative of mine). Not so surprising, though somewhat ironic as far as what day it was.

The paper also publishes snippets of news from bygone days frequently – 25 years ago, 50 years ago, 75 years ago, and sometimes earlier. What was really kind of odd was that 50 years ago, on that same day, the paper showed him and a group of other young men from the county preparing to leave for Castle Heights Military Academy in Lebanon to attend that year’s Boys State session.

I don’t know. It was just kind of an odd day all around.

I want to thank everyone for the kind notes they’ve been leaving; I could never put into words how very much they are appreciated. There are several of you I have been meaning to e-mail personally for days now, but the kinds of hours I’ve been keeping, and time I’ve been spending lately scrambling around as I have trying to slow down this impending disaster – I sleep at weird times, and when I’m not asleep I’m usually snowed under, and my actual working schedule is usually overnights, so I’m usually awake when everyone else is not and vice versa. Except I also will just (when I’m not doing shift work) go for several hours, pass out for two or three or four hours, get up and go some more trying to get stuff done. But many of you will hear from me personally soon, I promise (and KathyT, I did e-mail you and hope you got it, sorry it took five days before I heard the voice mail, oops).

And thanks to many especially for the kind words about Dobie. He was here for so long, and still my “baby puppy” even when he was old and his health failing, and it’s still very hard to believe that he’s really gone. I have a very nice picture to share that my mom took at Christmas when I had to take him with me because of his failing condition, which has wound up being the last taken of so very many that were taken of him over fifteen years. But I can’t really look at it much yet, so I’ll save it for a day when I can.

I probably need to write some more about all the horrible stuff that’s going on and why things have disintegrated to the disastrous point they have, but I’m not really sure how to put it into words here because there’s really only so much I can say publicly – and for good reasons. But it sucks, because for those same reasons, I’ve sort of been stuck fighting this battle on my own almost, and with no one I could really be open with about the details other than my very closest family and friends.

But I will do all of that soon. Unfortunately a good bit of this week is going to be focused on probably selling what little I have left that is worth anything at all (not much, but a little) that is truly just mine – a few things that would have been, I guess you’d say, family heirloom-type stuff if I were leaving anything behind one day. Not that I’m likely going to have children or anything like that at this point, but you know – stuff I never dreamed I’d ever be forced to part with, not like this. I guess if I outlive my mom (doubtful), there’s still a houseful of family things – but nothing that’s just mine, except these few things it looks like I’m going to have to part with.

It’s not much – I guess that’s the worst joke of all about all this stuff, I’m not dealing with thousands upon thousands here and it’d probably be a whole lot easier to swallow if that were the case – but no, there’s only about a grand or two standing between me and complete disaster. Much less than 2K, really, more like about 1.5. That’s the part that really stinks, that in the grand scheme of things, it’s not really all that much. But the problem is now I’ve run out of time is all.

In trying to think things through – and coming to the conclusion there were really no more options anymore but the one thing I have tried for over a year now NOT to have to do – it’s occurred to me that no matter how tough things might be right now, that really doesn’t bother me nearly as much as thinking about how I’m going to feel about it all a year from now, or two years from now, or five or ten years from now – when presumably things will probably be better, but stuff that meant something to me – things bought with me in mind and given to me for very specific reasons – will be gone. And I just can’t even let myself think about all that right now.

Anyway, this week will be busy busy – and I need to get going now as it is, much to do and much to finish – but I’m going to try and keep at the blog again, even if it’s just stupid stuff. Aside from all the awfulness of late, there’s also some really funny stuff I’ve been saving up to share. And I’ll be trying to get some personal e-mailing done this week and next too, some of you I’d been meaning to touch base with anyway and either the constant need-to-do-this or constant passing out cold from exhaustion kept waylaying. So will speak to many of you soon, and will definitely be back here shortly, as soon as I wrap up one big project that has tied me up for months. ’til then…

Posted in a family thing, ancient history, blah, blogfolks, dobie is a dog, dogs, friends are good, in memory of..., my luck sucks, my so-called life, west tennessee | Leave a Comment »

…

Posted by Lynnster on June 3, 2009

Well, I hemmed and hawed and sighed a while over it, and then I decided I really couldn’t go posting over there without posting over here, too, so… here I am. Just saying hi.

Things are… well, as bad as ever, to be honest. Worse, really. I’m sort of at the end of my rope phase, though I don’t really know what that means because, you know, what’s next? Been drowning a while, just not underwater completely yet, I guess.

I haven’t been writing for a while, really, because (A) there really hasn’t been that much interesting to write about; (B) I’m depressed enough as it is without having to read the hows and whys in black & white; and (C) out of respect for some of the members of my family who do occasionally visit here, I just don’t really want to hash out the gory details of it all on the blog. No parent really wants to know their child (no matter how old they are) is hungry, or frightened, or a lot of other things that are really much worse and it’s really just all better left in the unknown. As unpleasant as the last year and a half has been for me, it’s probably been a lot harder on those who care about me, especially one.

I’ve learned that I can eat on about a dollar a day, or less – that’s just luck, though, since I’ve never been much of an eater and rarely eat more than one meal a day anyway. I’m very tired of repeatedly being in the position of having absolutely no idea how anything’s getting paid this month – where I am again right now – other than rent, which is the one thing I do manage to make every month. For now.

It’s sort of a sick twist that I’m actually in a position where I could at least regain control of monthly living expenses again – if I wasn’t already so very far behind. I got bumped up to QA reviewer for one of the services I’ve been working for for a while now, which is a little more like a “real” job and is steady work, better pay, and something I can possibly eke out a living on – maybe not a great one, but enough – along with the little bits I bring here and there from this or that.

But again, unfortunately I’m so horrifically behind (and have probably paid for a couple of years’ worth of car payments and insurance payments in late fees, overdrafts, etc. just trying to get everything paid but never able to make it on time for months and months) – yeah, that’s still good news, the new work. But it really doesn’t make much of a difference right now when I’m so behind to begin with. If I could just get ahead, or on top of it all at least, for just one month – that would probably make all the difference in the world and I would actually be able to breathe again month to month, maybe. But that’s not likely going to happen, so I just struggle on.

I’m eligible for nothing, for this reason or that reason, whatever. I’ve appreciated well-meant suggestions from well-meaning folks about this or that over the last many months, but one thing I’ve learned in all this is I think there’s some that just don’t get it, it’s beyond a lot of people’s comprehension that one might have nothing.

Like this one suggestion I got about something that was “only $25 or so a week”. Well, that’s nice and all… if you have $25 a week to spare.

Cut off the Internet? Sure, for most that’s an “extra”. For me, it would mean zero income as opposed to the little I do bring in. Though I’ve come dangerously close a few times to losing that, too.

So yeah, I wish I could say things are better, but they’re not, and now you see why I don’t write much lately. It’s crappy enough living it, much less reading about it. I kind have avoided writing much about it (here or elsewhere) too because I’ve seen more of my friends losing jobs, or already bad situations getting worse, lately – and I don’t want to be more of a downer. But most of them will be fine. Especially one – I just know whatever’s next on the horizon there is gonna be great.

Me, I’m just here. That’s about all I know to say for now. See ya again soon.

P.S. Dobie, my 15 year old dog, left us on Good Friday. Not really ready to write about that yet, either, but probably will before too long.

Posted in blah, dobie is a dog, dogs, my so-called life | 20 Comments »

Merry Merry

Posted by Lynnster on December 25, 2008

I think this is the first time in my life I have ever been alone on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  It won’t last – my sister couldn’t leave Nebraska until after work Wednesday, so Christmas for us is pushed back a day, my Christmas Eve will technically be tonight and Christmas Day tomorrow.  In fact, I’m on my way out of town shortly today to get that ball rolling.

Several days ago, I wrote about my frustration and sadness about not really being able to “participate” in Christmas for the second year in a row.  After I’d posted that, my godmother, who I love dearly, commented that it didn’t matter how many presents we had or did not have and that we would all still have a good Christmas and enjoy being with each other and laughing and having fun like usual, and well, she’s right, that’s all true.  But I still can’t help but be frustrated and sad that I couldn’t do much, and what Newscoma wrote the other day about her own Christmas pretty much hit the nail on the head for me too when it comes to Christmas:

This year is a lean, mean Christmas but I’ve gotten into the spirit to a degree. No, there isn’t any big ticket items. People are getting small gifts that I tried to put some meaning into. I’m a gifty person. I like seeing people’s faces when they open their presents. I’m weird.

That’s always been the fun for me as well, at least ever since I was old enough to do my own Christmas shopping.  You won’t find socks and underwear under the tree in our family – well, you will, but they’re the least important – we do gifts that others would probably think silly and certainly unconventional, but everybody gets stuff they really wanted (and some stuff they didn’t but are resigned to getting every year, like my brother-in-law getting sheep in various forms – a family in-joke) and we have a blast.  I like getting just the perfect things for people and seeing their faces when they open their presents, that’s the big thing for me.

And ever since my parents got divorced, my main priority has always been making sure my Mom gets the stuff she wanted.  And I couldn’t do much of either this year, and it depressed me.

As it turned out, I actually was a little better off than I thought I was.  I thought I only had one thing to give one person, and as I was getting things together getting ready to go out of town and kept finding things I’d forgotten about – including something my mother was supposed to have gotten for Christmas probably two or three years ago – I actually wound up with one gift for each person that will be at our family Christmas.  So I guess that’s better, but I’m still pretty frustrated and depressed about it all.

Really when it comes down to it, I’m about at the end of my rope in general.  Last week I spent three days in such depression, fear, and panic about just everything in general that when things improved just a little bit and I felt a little bit better, it was really concerning to me just how bad it had gotten.  It’s a little bit scary to get that far down.  A lot of those things that people will say things like, “I don’t know how he/she could have done that”, things I used to be able to say – I know why people do those things now.  I can tell you for a fact that if you get knocked down and desperate enough, things that may cross your mind, if only for a fleeting moment, are the kinds of things you never would have thought would do so.

But I don’t know, for some reason I’m still here, although sometimes I wonder if the only reason I haven’t just thrown up my hands and given up yet is because somebody’s got to take care of the pets, and if I weren’t here… well, the cats would probably be taken care of, but I know what would happen to my dogs, and it wouldn’t be what I would want.

So I just keep going, but I’m so tired of all the panic and anxiety and not knowing anything every month – how is this going to get paid, how is that going to get paid, how am I going to be able to eat next week, etc.  The car insurance and phone/Internet miraculously got paid this month – which the latter, you know, I’d probably do without too, but without Internet, then there’s NO income at all.

I still don’t know how the car payment’s getting made this month or catching up on the utility bill, and then January will come and all the panic just start’s all over again.  Right now I only have one for sure, every month, monthly check coming in and it will only cover either rent, car insurance, or car payment, so that’s what I consider my rent check.  The rest is pretty much all up in the air every month right now, which is just… yeah, panic-inducing, frustrating, and depressing.

But for a couple of days anyway, I’m just going to attempt to enjoy what there is of Christmas this year and put the rest behind me for a little while.  There will be plenty of time after Saturday for the panic and worrying again, so I’m going to see what little bit of Christmas spirit I can muster up and go with it.

Dobie is not doing very well at all and just had a bath today – which just made him all the more furious with me – my Mom doesn’t know it yet, but he’s coming to visit for Christmas too (thus the bath).  I’m hoping hanging out in a warm house with carpet and a bed to sleep in all by himself with me for a couple of nights, and some turkey and who knows what all else there will be, will perk him up a little bit, or at least make what I am fairly certain now are his last days a little nicer.  He hasn’t shown much interest in food lately, but I kind of expect he will be thrilled about the turkey and whatever scraps.  Sure, table scraps aren’t really good for dogs, but he’s old and he’s dying, as far as I’m concerned he can eat whatever he wants (and whatever he WILL eat).

It seems like this year has just been a never-ending cycle of bad news.  Times have been so tough lately and not just for me, seems like half of nearly everyone I know has been going through something or other – friends losing jobs recently, another recently finding out hers will be terminated at the end of the year, others losing family members here right at Christmas.  It’s just all got to get better sometime, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I hope everyone who stops by here had a really super nice Christmas.  Some of you I miss so much and hope to see in the coming months.  In the meantime, I am on my way in a couple of hours for my own Christmasing, scanty though it is this year.  See you again soon.

Posted in a family thing, blah, blogfolks, dobie is a dog, dogs, friends are good, holidays, lynnster's zoo, my so-called life | 3 Comments »

A Little Clarification

Posted by Lynnster on December 15, 2008

Heh.  I just read my last post again and I should really clarify something.

I wrote:

I’m very tired of things like having to choose between buying groceries or putting gas in the car.  Or whether to buy food to eat, or buy paper towels and toilet tissue.

Paper towels normally wouldn’t be a necessity.  In fact, I went many years hardly buying paper towels at all and could usually live without them just fine.

Paper towels, however, are a necessity when you have a 14-year-old dog that has recently developed a rather extreme incontinence problem.

Yeah, it just gets better all the time.  ’til later…

Posted in blah, dobie is a dog, dogs, lynnster's zoo | 3 Comments »

The Usual, Unfortunately

Posted by Lynnster on December 15, 2008

Here’s yet another example of how rotten my luck is (and notably has been for some time).  I was getting ready to work on a project a couple of days ago that I badly needed to work on and finish before Christmas got much closer, and as I sat down at the computer all motivated and ready to get productive – the power went out.  Because at the house next door, they were chopping limbs off a tree… but had to get the utility company to kill my power line to do it.

The power was out for, I don’t know, seven or eight, maybe nine hours.  Just mine.  Not the house where the tree is.

In fact, the worker chopping the tree got through about 3:45, and had made several calls, but over two hours later, the utility company had yet to come back and put the (live) line back up.  So I called them too.  They finally showed up after 7 p.m., and by then it was really too late to do anything.

There’s something else I need to get done, but I need a large shipment of (free) Priority Mail boxes from the postal service to be able to do it.  I’ve been waiting a while.  I realize it’s the Christmas season and all with the mail, but just yet another monkey wrench thrown my way.  At this point, even though I badly need to get this done, I’m thinking maybe I’m better off waiting until after Christmas anyway.  Maybe people will have more money to spend on stuff they want but don’t necessarily need (which is what this project mainly consists of) by then.

In any case, I just can’t really catch a break lately.  There’s always something somewhere throwing a monkey wrench into everything.

I applied for a couple of jobs recently.  The very next week, both organizations announced major layoffs and a hiring freeze.

I’m very tired of things like having to choose between buying groceries or putting gas in the car.  Or whether to buy food to eat, or buy paper towels and toilet tissue.

It’s too bad I have to buy groceries at all, since it seems like nearly all the things I have to buy that are necessities have gone up 75-100% practically in the last few months.  Some of them have even gone up that much – yet the packaging has gotten smaller, there’s less of whatever it is in the package.  Other stuff is the same price but now, like, 11 ounces of whatever instead of 16.

Seems like I’ve been saying for months when will this all end?  Seems like it’s not going to.

People close to me will help, but by the time I’ve gotten another round or two of groceries and other necessities or bills paid, there’s nothing left and I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to make $1.49 or so stretch out for weeks again.  I need to put gas in the car again later this week and I’m thinking, OK, now how am I going to do that?

I eat maybe three, four times a week.  I know that’s not good.  But I do things like last week when I made the mistake, after having craved it for days and being hungry as heck anyway, of spending a little extra (less than ten bucks) on a spaghetti dinner from a fave joint around here.  Now I’m wishing I hadn’t and had that ten bucks back.

I have cut back virtually everything, pretty much, until there is no more.  The utilities are almost two months behind again, as that’s pretty much stayed for months now – it’ll get paid somehow.  I wouldn’t have Internet anymore I suppose, except since that’s my sole source of income I can’t very well not have that – of course if the utilities get cut off – well, you know.

Christmas?  I don’t get to participate in Christmas for the second year in a row.  I mean, we’ll have it, and it’ll be fine and nice and all that.  But I can’t buy anything for anyone, and just be opening presents I’ll wish nobody would have bought me since I can’t do anything myself.  I do have one thing for my sister that I just happened to wind up with, but I didn’t really intentionally go out and get it as a Christmas gift.  That’ll be it.

I’ve built up some residual recurring income.  It’s small now, but it will get better.  It’s just stuff that takes some time to grow and is going to continue to.  But it’s not going to solve any big problems right away, that’s for sure.

I do some work but there are issues with that too.  Always issues.  I’m actually constantly working, almost around the clock, sleep here and there when I finally crash, get up and get to work on something else again.  It’s some income, but not enough.  Working on other things too but again, more stuff that’s going to take time for anything to come of it.

I’m just really, really tired of it all.  Sorry.  I probably wouldn’t read here anymore for all the repetitive doom and gloom there’s been either.

Dobie is in such decline that I don’t really think we have much longer.  He is so frail and skinny now, it just breaks my heart.  And that in itself – him getting so frail and thin and pitiful, as well as blind – has posed all kinds of new problems, like today when he got stuck somewhere I wasn’t sure for a while I was going to be able to get him out of.  Last week he got a foot and claw stuck in the old furnace grill and I wasn’t sure I was going to get him loose from that either.  I keep thinking what if he does something like that sometime when I’m (rarely as I am) away from home and is stuck like that for hours?

He and the only other extremely elderly pet left are really throwing me for a loop.  Neither of them are eating as much as they should, although the cat is really doing all right otherwise for her 17 or so years.  It takes her hours to eat when she does eat, though, and she spends most of her time in there talking to her food.  Which is kind of funny, yes, but she’s always had this habit of talking to inanimate objects, starting with a roll of duct tape that was on the floor once years ago.

I always was big into Christmas.  I was thinking the other day of how nice it always used to be between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We’d have the tree up and on every night, and my parents had all this Christmas music on a couple of reel-to-reel tapes that were usually playing every night, and I’d just hang out laying with my head under the Christmas tree listening to music and looking at the lights and ornaments most every night.

Back when people used to have time to enjoy stuff like that, anyway.

I’d do the same at my grandmother’s house.  I remember what all the Christmas decorations she used to pull out every year looked like – probably because I was always helping get them out and put them up – even though I haven’t seen most of them in 25 years.  I guess my aunt still has most of them, I don’t know.  I don’t think there’s really anything I wish I had of all that stuff, except for maybe the little lighted Christmas trees that probably actually originally belonged to my great-grandmother.  There were two of them – one was silver and one was green – they weren’t anything special, just aluminum or tin with a light inside, and colored cellophane or something that made them look like they had lights on them.  Probably from the Fifties or Forties, maybe earlier.  They always sat on the end tables in my grandmother’s living room which, before that, was my great-grandmother’s living room.

I’m older now than my mother was when I left home for college.  Have I already written that here before?  I can’t remember.

So, enough joy and good will to men from me for now.  Maybe sometime I’ll have something better or funny to write about, there just isn’t lately or I’m too busy anyway.

I was about to write that at least Tojo has been staying mostly out of trouble lately, but I just reached over to move him as he was standing over Maggie looking like he was about to jump on her (again), and he bit me (not hard).  So there’s that, too.

Posted in a family thing, ancient history, blah, cats, dobie is a dog, dogs, getting older sucks, holidays, lynnster's zoo, my luck sucks, my so-called life, neighborhood rants, the economy sucks | 6 Comments »

When It Rains…

Posted by Lynnster on October 23, 2008

It’s been raining for hours and I’m beginning to wonder if it’s ever going to stop.

I got nothing else today.  Maybe tomorrow.

Posted in blah | 1 Comment »

Double the Horror, Double the Poverty

Posted by Lynnster on September 4, 2008

Last night was depressing.  I went to the grocery store.

Back in the spring, I mentioned that I had noticed a lot of the things I pretty much HAVE to buy on a regular basis had gone up relatively significantly.  Well, now (in just the past week or two), they’ve gone up AGAIN.

40 lb. bag of (store brand) dog food – up from $7.99-8.99 in April 2008 to $13.99.

20-ish lb. bag of (commercial) cat food – up for around $11 to $15.

Box of (store brand) dog treats – used to be two for $2, now $4 ($6 somewhere else for something similar).

Kitty litter – I always buy cheap kinds and store brands because my cats simply usually prefer them.  The store brand cat litter at my usual grocery stores is now costing what Tidy Cats, Fresh Step, etc. USED to.

All totaled, well over $15, possibly even up to an additional $20 a month or so if you’re a pet owner.

So yes, that is all pet stuff and I suppose some people would scoff that pets are a luxury (even though they’re the only “kids” I have).  So let’s look at stuff for ME.

Nearly all the food and personal items I buy for myself are, these days, generic and store brands.  Nearly all of THEM have increased in cost similarly.  Thank goodness I don’t habitually eat very much or often – which is bad, I know – but the simple fact is right now I couldn’t afford to eat TWO meals a day, much less three, so right now my borderline eating disorder is a blessing.

One of my preferred easy quick cheap meals is not so cheap anymore.  Formerly 89 cents, I discovered just over the weekend the price had gone up to $1.09.  And now it’s gone up to $1.29 SINCE the weekend.

Here was the real shocker for me, though.  I actually noticed this at another store last week, but thought maybe it was just one of those things, since I was at a retail drugstore where things sometimes are higher than they are at, say, Kroger or Wal-Mart.

But no.  Angel Soft toilet tissue, usually acquired for $1 or less per four-roll package many places – now pushing $2, at $1.85.  This isn’t Northern, this isn’t Charmin, this isn’t Kleenex – it’s ANGEL SOFT, for goodness’ sakes.  Granted, even if I had lots of money I’d probably buy it anyway instead of the others.  I like it just fine, think it’s great anyway, and after what a plumber once told one of my best friends after a thousands-of-dollars plumbing repair job, I probably will buy it forever (well, if I can afford to).

And I have long lamented the high cost of feminine hygiene/protection products for years, as that is something most women HAVE to have on hand and cannot do without, yet even the store brands are often horrifically expensive.  I have always considered that one of those things that’s just simply not fair and borderline sexist.  Fortunately I stocked up on that stuff a few months ago with the generous gift of a kind friend of a Wal-Mart gift card.  I am NOT looking forward to seeing what that stuff costs when I’ve depleted my current stock.

But seriously – do you see what I’m getting at here?  This is GROCERIES, people.  This is generic and store brand people food, as well as pet food.  This is “lesser brand” TOILET TISSUE, for Pete’s sake.

And most of it’s nearly DOUBLED in cost in just the last four months.  100% inflation, folks.

Gasoline prices were bad enough, and I realize they have decreased somewhat (at least temporarily).  It still sucks that I have a compact car and it costs over $50 to make a two and a half hour trip to my hometown there and back, and that I’m 42 years old and my mom has to send me the money if I want to come home for the weekend.

But this – this is groceries – and TOILET TISSUE, for crying out loud – doubling in cost.  What happens next year?  Tripling?  Quadrupling?

I can’t afford any of it, and my income is tentative enough as it is.  What really sucks is that I’ll still be owing taxes next year on what pitiful, way below average “poverty level”, amount of income I have actually earned this year.

All I’ve been hearing about lately is people getting laid off, hundreds here, a few there, hundreds more over there.  I suspect few of you reading right now could tell me you’ve gotten a raise this year that’s helping to offset this incredible rise in not only cost of just living, but cost of necessities.

I know I’m sounding like a broken record here lately.  I don’t know how many times I’ve asked this in the last five or six months, and I’m getting kind of tired of asking it and wondering about it at this point, but anyway…

Where does it stop?  When does it end?

You want my vote in the Presidential election?  Then tell me it is going to stop, and where it’s going to stop, and when it’s going to end, AND make it happen.

Preferably before we’re all homeless and out on the street, starving, and having to tear up family Bibles and dictionaries and encyclopedias because we can’t afford to buy four rolls of toilet paper.

Posted in blah, cats, dogs, fun with food, in my head, lynnster's zoo, my so-called life, the economy sucks | 6 Comments »

Sometimes It Just Doesn’t Pay to Do the Right Thing

Posted by Lynnster on August 10, 2008

So, the IRS is holding my money hostage.

See, I filed my taxes late (we all know why), and when I did, I (of course) paid what I knew I owed. Knowing that they would also be billing me for the penalty later.

Well, it turns out that they deducted what I owed AND the penalty from – you guessed it – my economic stimulus payment. So now what I paid them that it seems I didn’t HAVE to is floating around somewhere in the bowels of the IRS for nearly two months now and strangled in bureaucratic red tape, I suppose, because it would be too EASY apparently to turn around and send me the money I didn’t have to pay them back anytime soon.

Of course, if there had not been an economic stimulus hooha this year, and I hadn’t paid them what I owed them when I filed – well, we all know how that would have turned out.

It just doesn’t pay to do the right thing sometimes.

UPDATE: Since I originally wrote the above, I have since learned that I will be getting my refund on August 18th.  But still – grrr.

Posted in blah, my luck sucks, my so-called life | Leave a Comment »

After Waiting in Line Almost An Hour, Too

Posted by Lynnster on June 25, 2008

Remember this?

Guess who failed inspection and can’t get her car registered right now? (Even with the most expensive registration rates in the whole danged state, which is still beyond my comprehension.) That stupid crack is not even in my line of vision.

I hate this city more every day. Having just waded thru posts from ten and eleven years ago when I still loved it here, it’s even more surreal to me how much I hate it.

Posted in blah, memphis, my luck sucks, my so-called life, tennessee in general | 7 Comments »

That Bytes: Time Warner, Comcast, and AT&T Propose to Byte the Hands That Feed ‘Em

Posted by Lynnster on June 15, 2008

Way to go, Time Warner, Comcast, and AT&T:

Charging by the Byte to Curb Internet Traffic

Yes, let’s take the future of technology BACKWARDS about about a hundred steps instead of moving forward, why don’t we?

I’m not even likely one of those that would be highly affected, the principle of it all just annoys the techgeekchick in me.

I’ve about decided that one of the best things that could happen is that the United States takes some of the money that gets wasted annually on unnecessary junk, WiFi the entire country, and be done with it all.

By the way, Comcast, you’ve got a lot of nerve even proposing such a thing, seeing as how you lost thousands of the customers you inherited from Time Warner (both Internet and cable TV customers), and most everyone (in Tennessee anyway) agrees that your service sucks. I know people who had RoadRunner accounts from practically Day One, and for YEARS, that jumped ship soon after you moved in. I’d back off if I were you, but hey, that’s just me.

(No offense to the one unnamed friend of mine who works for Comcast, of whom I am certain does a standout job amongst a sea of ineptitude.)

HT: Newscoma via Twitter

UPDATE: In browsing links to blogs talking about the NYT article, I just read the most perfect comment about this whole situation from someone in Canada, I believe:

The internet providers were given massive tax breaks to improve their networks (fiber to the home and whatnot). Now they not only haven’t done that with the money, but the inferior networks they’ve built instead are reaching capacity.

Somebody should make your ISPs sleep in the bed they made.

Well said.

UPDATE #2: And oh yeah, no offense either to my other friend in the Metro Nashville area who works for AT&T, even though I wouldn’t call that the sea of ineptitude Comcast is.

Posted in blah, techgeekchick stuff, the internet is..., thumbs down | 3 Comments »

PS Murphy Just Loves Me

Posted by Lynnster on June 11, 2008

Oh, I forgot the best parts/slash/salt in the wound about that last post about me being short $1.16.

  1. I had to spend $2.68 on a flea collar today, which was the first flea collar I’ve had to buy in at least 10 years, maybe 15. I’ll spare you the yucky details, but (of course) it involves Tojo the Psycho Cat.
  2. I actually did receive a check in the mail for $9.50 today. Unfortunately, my wonderful mailman I’ve had for years (and always came in the morning) has apparently either retired, quit, or is on an extended vacation, and in his place is a creature who it would seem does the route in reverse – therefore being late as all get out, sometimes after business hours no less. And is about the unfriendliest sourpuss of a postal worker I’ve ever seen, though that’s beside the point. Anyway, the check arrived too late to get it in today’s deposit at the bank.

The hits just keep on coming and my luck continues to suck. But again – California!

Posted in blah, cats, lynnster's zoo, my luck sucks, my so-called life, the economy sucks | 1 Comment »

One of These Days I Might Write Happy Stuff Again

Posted by Lynnster on June 11, 2008

I am exactly $1.16 short of being able to pay my already overdue car insurance payment. Don’t that beat all, as they say? (Well, they do say that down here anyway.)

Car payment’s due tomorrow. Going to have to be a few days late, obviously.

This might all be just a little bit easier to tolerate were it not for the fact I had to put nearly $5 of gas in the car the other night just to be able to drive the 15.4 miles from the Wal-Mart in Olive Branch to my house.

But hey, I guess it could be worse. I could be living in California.

Posted in blah, my so-called life, the economy sucks | Leave a Comment »

Father’s Day Marketers Beware

Posted by Lynnster on June 11, 2008

My pal CeeElCee brings up a good point about all the flood of e-mail marketing preceding Father’s Day (and for that matter, Mother’s Day, for the same reasons) that I’ve been thinking about myself in recent weeks, and have in the past.

We are all mostly taking it in stride and being tongue in cheek about it over there in comments, but obviously all of us whose fathers are deceased have had pretty much the same thoughts about it all, as I’m sure folks who have lost their mothers thought the same in the flood of e-mail marketing preceding Mother’s Day.

My mother’s alive and well, thanks (and a frequent reader & commenter here, and regular Internet user).

But what if she weren’t? Not to mention the fact that HER parents have been gone for ages; one for nearly as long as I’ve been alive.

I had a long conversation for the first time in several months with my former longtime co-worker, who lost her very elderly and extremely ill dad last summer. One of the things she and I have always had in common is that our fathers’ birthdays and Father’s Day always fell on the same week (as does her birthday). So this year, she is experiencing the June double whammy I have been for the last four years.

I get that it’s all about marketing, I understand it. And I know you can’t please everyone. I mostly – like I said – take it in stride and just overlook it. Normally it doesn’t bother me THAT much.

But it ALWAYS gets my attention, because of the circumstances – and it’s NOT the kind of attention marketers are striving for with those Mother’s Day and Father’s Day suggestion e-mails.

And I guess what kind of bugs me is that it seems like those holiday marketing e-mails are greater in number at Mother’s Day and Father’s Day than most other holidays, even Christmas. And while I do realize it’s all about the marketing, and I understand why it’s a necessary evil – it just seems like it might be a little better if many of these e-mail marketers scaled back their holiday marketing pummeling for those two holidays for the very reasons I bring up.

You hit someone like me on a bad day in a bad year – last year, not so much; this year, every day is a bad day – and tick them off, the results are never going to be good.

Again, I don’t have that big a chip on my shoulder about it, really. Generally, I’m pretty laid back and easygoing and not all that touchy about most things, I just have to work a little harder at it when it comes to this. And for the most part, the ones that come from Amazon and places like that, I mostly just overlook and hit the delete-delete-delete without much more of a thought.

Though the point is, there IS a thought… and it’s not the one they want me to have, that they’re intending with their marketing campaign of those holidays.

I have many, many e-mail boxes so I get TONS of these mails, and even more tons that aren’t coming from more traditional Internet marketers and are coming from the mega-spammers.

So it’s there that I take out my frustrations when I feel like it – which, this year, has been rather often. So depending on what kind of mood I’m in at the moment – well, let’s just say there’s several e-mail spammers that have been getting “My father’s been dead for almost four years, go away” e-mails back.

Not that they care, the mega-spammers. I can’t really say I haven’t thought about doing the same with some of those Amazon and other e-mails though.

Marketing’s marketing, and there’s no simple answer, I know.

But fair warning, marketing e-mail spammers and marketers of the non-spammish kind: Today would have been my father’s 66th birthday, so I might be a little less nice than “go away” today. Apologies in advance.

Posted in a family thing, blah, holidays, in memory of..., spam spam spam | 3 Comments »

On Another Note (I Hate It When There’s Another Note)

Posted by Lynnster on May 29, 2008

I’ve got so much going on here right now trying to get so many things done and work related, and now to boot have two very sick elderly dogs – I had enough on my plate with one sick one (Lulu), and suddenly out of nowhere, Dobie took a turn for worse last night – anyway, I’m having trouble coming up for air right now.

Be back soon with more details, but for now, just keep us in thoughts and send good karma this way for my four-footed babies if you will.  They could use all the good karma they could get right now, and thanks.

Posted in blah, dobie is a dog, dogs, i never sleep, lynnster's zoo | 5 Comments »

Bits & Pieces, Or Just Bits ‘Cos I Don’t Have Time for the Pieces Right Now

Posted by Lynnster on May 26, 2008

There’s just really no time to be spared, so pardon me for this hit & run update.

1. A little while ago, I ate a cheese Krystal – because I was badly in need of food that I could get quick and didn’t have to cook and it was 3 in the morning – and it was unbelievably, horribly, terribly, awfully & ungodly bad. I have never had a Krystal that tasted that disgustingly, putridly bad in my life. Yes, I realize that Krystals are not haute cuisine, but come on – it’s a Krystal. How can you screw up a Krystal that bad?? If I die in my sleep here in a little bit, you’ll know what happened. Blech. A shoe sole would have tasted better I think.

2. I’ve been eating entirely too much fast food lately anyway, which is kind of okay because I never eat anyway and all I ever get is, like, one little McDonald’s cheeseburger, and they’re all of a dollar and I DO NOT HAVE TIME to cook. But let’s not talk about the fact that in the past two weeks I’ve been served (A) a cheeseburger that was between two top buns, and (B) got home one day and opened the bag to discover I had a top & bottom bun with cheese in the middle – and no burger. Wake up, people! I know it’s just an unimportant $1.00 cheeseburger, but it might just be someone’s only meal of the day that you totally screw up.

3. I know I shouldn’t have laughed because they’re both elderly and one’s a little sickly and might be a bit senile, but watching not just one but two of my cats fall off the desk a few minutes ago, within a few minutes of each other, with an empty chip bag (the small 99-cent Big Grab size) on their heads was almost as funny as a few years ago when my elderly then-16-year old cat got his head stuck inside an empty Krystal Chik box.

4. On a not-as-amusing note, Maggie’s (same Maggie as in the pic above) new favorite place to nap is with her head on the edge of my keyboard, which usually eventually occurs to me at some point after being puzzled as to why I’m typing in all caps or ““““` is appearing on the screen again.

5. I am apparently now completely and totally assimilated into the electronic communications world at this point, because now that my fax AND my printer are both borked, and a fax that I needed to get where it needed to go so I could start getting some commission payments didn’t go through because that dinosaur of a mid-’90s era fax that I inherited from my old office is totally dead now… it took about a month for it to finally occur to me that I could just put a stamp on an envelope and MAIL it.

6. Besides the petered out fax and printer, now my desktop is apparently on its last legs too – I’ve known it was coming, was hoping to hold it off a little longer, seeing as how that’s pretty distressing since I do 100% of my work on this computer these days – but it spit out a frightening serious error at me the other day and threatened to not start (but it eventually did). In the course of seeing what I could afford to ditch in an effort to get it speeded up a little and prepare to defragment the drive for the first time in I dunno how long, after going through some other directories, I took note of the millions of Notepad files I’ve got saved to the desktop – and had a bit of a chuckle over the title of some of those files, such as: CLC Links Widget, WP Tutorial, Moved Blogs, kathyt, kathyt Links Widget, More Moved Blogs, B Blogger Template, one simply titled B, B Tutorial (yes, I don’t remember why I felt I needed to make her her own instead of giving her the one I gave everyone else), and Sarcastro Stuff (which reminds me yet again that I STILL need to repost all his old photos one of these days, ugh). Anyway, giggle – yeah, I’m a blog geek.

7. There are angels in the blogosphere and in my MySpacesphere too. Angels, I tell you.

8. I’m so tired I don’t have time to BREATHE, and I don’t have time anyway because I have way too much work and projects to do. This staying up for a day and a half at a time, sleeping a few hours and starting all over again is getting a little old. I’ve been up again for about 38 or 39 hours now and worked straight through for about 22 well, really about 29 or 30, of those, so yeah – ’scuse me if I’m a little loopy right now.

That is all. But seriously, if I don’t at least show up for a minute on Twitter by tonight? Food poisoning. Ugh, a nasty, dirty, filthy shoe sole would have no doubt tasted better. Yuck.

9. (Yes, Lesley and Brittney, I know I shouldn’t eat meat anyway.)

10. (But still – it’s a Krystal! How can anyone screw up a Krystal??)

11. Zzzzzz…

Posted in blah, blogfolks, blogstuff, cats, friends are good, fun with food, i never sleep, lynnster's zoo, my luck sucks, my so-called life, techgeekchick stuff, wordpress | 6 Comments »

The 92 Cent Post (Worth about $0.00)

Posted by Lynnster on April 21, 2008

Lots of good discussion floating around the regional blogosphere this past week or two regarding the gas price crunch and the basically terrible state of our current economy in general, most notably this one at Mack’s (with heads up from ‘Coma) and this one at ‘Coma’s, which was really about the awful recent presidential debate and those asking the questions’ failure to ask about pertinent issues for most Americans – which probably for a lot of us lately is, like, hmm, do I eat, or do I put gas in my car?

I won’t go over the big laundry list of stuff I had to add to the discussions from a single, never married, no kids person who doesn’t make much money’s point of view all over again, but the Cliffs Notes version is I have cut back just about all I can until there’s very little to cut back. I don’t have cable or any TV service at all anymore. I don’t carry mobile phone contract service anymore, I have prepaid that I really only use mostly for emergencies and the occasional important necessary call (and really always did anyway, so paying for contract service for 10+ years was stupid on my part but again, I cut that out a long while ago). I can’t cut out Internet service, no, because then I can’t work.

But I’ve cut out or cut back thousands of other things. I don’t, as a rule for around the house, buy soda anymore, don’t even buy tea or juice – I drink water. Me, who has never really liked to drink just water unless I HAD to – water. I still drink coffee, yep, but mainly because I have a surplus given to me from the last two Christmases. One, the biggest bag of coffee you’ve ever seen in your life, but that’s another story.

Even things that most people consider absolutely essential, I don’t do. Like food. I eat one meal a day, and what I consider a meal, many of you probably would think it about 1/4th of one. Now, granted, I’ve got terrible eating habits anyway and have kind of eaten about once a day for years – if I remember to, sometimes I don’t so that’s zero meals a day some days. Right now, I’ve got enough food in the house I’m not going to starve, for a couple of weeks anyway, even though most of it I kind of look at and go “eh” about. Snacks – nope. Fruit – I’d love to have fruit around, at least bananas or something, but a lot of that’s gotten too expensive to think about buying on a regular basis too, especially when you spent four months mostly out of work.

Anyway, I said I wasn’t going to go through the laundry list of stuff and there’s plenty more, but I’ll stop there and just say it again – I’ve cut out and cut back just about all I can, some on purpose and some things just happened that way. There’s just not much else left to cut.

With all this discussion going on lately and especially folks talking about how the gas crunch is affecting them and their families if they have one, I realize one of my pet peeves for years is now pretty much a moot point. In talking with my close and married friends and knowing various things about some of their financial statuses, it used to bug the living hooha out of me that, comparing their situations with various aspects to mine, getting married could have solved most of any of my financial problems or hardships over the years. That just used to drive me insane and many, many times over the years dealing with various things – insurance issues, tax issues, and on and on – I often felt pretty much penalized for having remained single and/or childless all of my adult life.

I know that’s not so true now, not with the rather horrifying state of today’s economy. What perks married folks get nowadays aren’t making so much of a difference when it costs $40-100 to fill up your car with gas and everything in the grocery store is edging up to costing a fortune.

I had running jokes going for years with two of my closest male friends from college about marrying either one of them someday, both of them who were/are well off and without a lot of financial concern even in today’s awful standards. At one point in the Nineties, with one of them, I was about thisclose to biting the bullet with one of them and just saying okay, I give up, let’s do it.

Anyway, yeah. Right now everything just sucks and I’m sick of it.

Yeah, I’m working now, but two of the three pay on a monthly basis only and I won’t get any significant pay until late May. Most of you know I’ve started a new venture to try and bring some more income in, but again, it will likely be late May to June before I really see anything from that. And having had a backlog of 4-5 months with very little to no work nor pay – I’m not exactly starting in the black to begin with.

We won’t even talk about Tax Day last week. Why anyone in my position OWES money is beyond me, unfortunately I will be owing even more before this is all over with. At least next year might be a little bit of a break, but only because I barely worked for 3-4 months so, you know, double-edged sword there.

I drive a compact car. A COMPACT. And yet it’s costing over $30 to fill up the tank from empty. Come on.

My washer and dryer both died some time ago so I’ve been relying on (A) the laundromat or (B) the not-that-often trip to my mother’s to get any laundry done. I need to do laundry right now. People keep asking lately about visiting or getting together, got a friend coming to town with his band in a couple of weeks, got another friend coming in from Chicago shortly after that. Everything I could wear for such an occasion needs to be washed. I can’t spare the cash for the laundromat right now.

Today was maybe one of the most telling days of all for me. I have a total of about $0.92 in cash to last me until the end of this month… with almost ten days to go.

First of all, an unfortunate error in subtraction has left me exactly 13 cents overdrawn at the bank. You know what they’re going to do to me with overdraft charges over that, I’m soooo happy. I’d have gone and thrown some of that 92 cents I have left in there to cover it, but by the time I discovered it today, it was too late anyway.

There were some household items that were badly needed, and I had a Target gift card that, for whatever reason, I thought was $25. It turned out to be $20, so while at the register I wound up putting a couple of things back.

I had a Wal-Mart gift card too, with about $12 on it, from some Christmas last year or the year before, I don’t know which. Only problem is there are virtually no Wal-Marts very close to me, here in the center of the city. No matter which one I chose, I was going to have to drive clear across town, so I decided maybe I’d head to the one in Southeast Memphis or in Olive Branch (cheaper tax wise).

But I don’t have enough gas in my car to get there or to any of them. Sure enough, when I was leaving Target, the almost-empty light came on. It went back off a little up the road, but it’s still close enough to empty I can’t drive out to the ‘burbs to spend that $12 and however many cents. The 92 cents in my wallet to last me until the end of April isn’t going to get me too far at the gas pump.

I know things will get better for me, at least eventually. But today, I’ve just had it.

Sorry, I got nothing else today. And that’s pretty much literally, obviously.

Posted in blah, my so-called life, the economy sucks | 2 Comments »

/me sighs

Posted by Lynnster on April 6, 2008

Very much sad about this.

His was literally one of the first Nashville & Tennessee regional blogs I started reading regularly, lo, all those ages ago.  I’m sure there’s good reasons but I’m gonna miss his special brand of humor & views on life in general, cute stories about being a good dad, and absolutely perfect sarcastic wit anyhow.

Don’t you dare disappear on us altogether, & happy trails, pal.

Posted in blah, blogfolks, blogstuff, friends are good, nashville, sad stuff | Leave a Comment »

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